MOROCCAN ROLL?
It's official. Morocco are to withdraw from the World Cup after watching videos of Scotland in action. "We just can't cope with the pace and power of Gordon Durie," said weeping coach Henri Michel. "That combined with Christian Dailly's crossing ability means it would be better for everyone concerned if we just went back home now."
Alright, we made all that up, but don't be surprised if you see the above picked up by the Daily Record tomorrow and splashed all over their front page. The Scottish tabloid's June 19th edition was a masterpiece of wishful thinking, with the back page masthead proclaiming 'WE'VE GOT THEM ON THE RUN' and the main headline screaming: 'THEY'RE ON THE ROCCS'. Correspondent James Traynor appeared close to orgasm as he wrote: "Morocco, who stand between Scotland and a place in the final stages of the World Cup, were last night trying to cope with a crisis of confidence� the Moroccan challenge appeared on the point of collapse� unrest within the camp� nerves at breaking point."
And the evidence for this apocalyptic view of the team who looked so good against Norway and so poor against the Brazilians? An interview with the squad's French coach Henri Michel in which he admitted that goalkeeper Driss Benzekri had struggled in their first two games. And a brief word with the man Benzekri replaced, Addelkader El Brazi, who made it clear that he'd like to be playing instead.
So that's it, then. A second-division national side with a dodgy goalkeeper problem. Quite familiar for the Scots, that.

FIT TO BE THAI-D
While 365 likes to imagine that we'd rather not watch the World Cup at all than have it described by a commentary team of Brian Moore and Kevin Keegan (with David Ginola and Jimmy Hill providing studio analysis) we're sometimes reminded that some unfortunates would love the chance to hear "It's a goal. Is it? No!" and "You know, for me, he's done triffic."
Spare a thought for the naughty boys of the Nakorn Ratchasima detention centre in Thailand. The Thais have already developed a reputation for being tough on crime (and not particularly bothered about the causes of crime) but their latest wheeze went a bit too far: inmates at Nakorn Ratchasima were allowed to watch the teams line up at the start of the Brazil v Morocco match, then ordered to turn the television off.
Unsurprisingly, this cruel and unusual punishment didn't go down too well. Four hundred young offenders went on the rampage, smashing windows, furniture and bizarrely, the now silent TV. They then spent four hours fighting with 200 riot police who were hastily drafted in. The trouble eventually stopped when reporters covering the riot arranged a truce, By which time, of course, the match was long over.
Local police chief Witaya Thongloh said that the incident had caused a prison board rethink and that inmates would now be allowed to watch matches. "I'm happy we got things under control, but I do regret that my colleagues and I missed the match as well," he said.

YANKS SAY NO THANKS
The curiosity factor will no doubt lead thousands of Americans to tune into 'soccer' for the first time when the USA faces Iran on Sunday. ABC, the US television network that is showing the finals, will no doubt be glad to have them.
Only 4.3 million turned on to see the Americans' creditable 2-0 defeat by Germany on Monday. To put things into perspective, that's almost a million less than tuned into 'General Hospital' on the same channel at the same time seven days earlier.
Some, however, can only look at those puny figures with envy. Cable channel ESPN2 has averaged a mighty 348,000 viewers for the four games it has shown so far a superb 0.7 per cent of the total American population.

SHE HAD TO GO
And finally on the subject of TV, we salute the Romanian fan who shot his wife dead when she turned off their 1-0 win against Colombia. Not for his act, but for the fact that when local police found he had left the scene of the crime, they instantly knew where to find him in the bar down the road where he was happily watching the second half.

THOSE CRAZY GOALKEEPERS PART 94
In an excellent piece in the Daily Telegraph, Christopher Davies reminds us of a goalkeeper who makes Paraguay's Jose Luis Chilavert look positively normal. Hugo Orlando Gatti, who played for Argentina during the 1970s, once ran to a corner flag to mop his brow. Another time he literally became the sweeper, finding a broom behind his goal and sweeping his penalty area. He once borrowed a photographer's chair to use in his goalmouth while play was at the other end. His autobiography was called "I Am Unique". Few would argue."

GORAM HITS THE BAR
More good stuff from Peter Ferguson in the Daily Mail, who reveals that Andy Goram is watching Scotland's campaign in the comfort of a Scottish theme pub in Blackpool, improbably called the Jaggy Thistle. Said Goram: "I don't know what my future within the game is but I might end up living in Blackpool. They like me here.

THE WORST HEADLINE IN THE WORLD CUP� EVER
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